Jeni’s blog

I hate when I really get into a project and am having a lovely time working on it and learning and then I get stuck. I’m kinda stuck right now. I’m sure I’ll figure it out ( I like to think I’m a bit smart, but sometimes I wonder…). And I really do love the challenge. It’s just frustrating knowing that while battling with these two tiny problems, I’m not able to move on and learn more. I’m very determined that I will figure this out. I think when I do, it’ll be glorious

I really do feel like I’ve learned alot. And while trying to hunt down the answer to my current CSS problems, I’ve actually learned alot about other parts of CSS. So I suppose it works out. Steve has been incredibly helpful, supplying me with the books and web reference pages to help me through it and going over what I do have. Constructive criticism is helpful. It really is.

Other than CSS… I find that I’m constantly worried I’ve made someone sad. Or that they don’t like me. Whether I’ve done something or not. It’s really only the people I’m close to. But I’m just afraid that I’m not good enough. I really want to be. I really do. I want to just push the feeling away… but it just looms in the back of my mind.

Projects and reading keep my mind temporarily away from thinking about it.  I’ve also been getting a bunch of new music. So that’s fun.

This summer I had really hoped to get to do something fun. Like go to Cedar Point or I don’t know, something. But I don’t think that’s going to happen. I even thought about seeing if I could borrow the family home up at Duck Lake. I actually wanted to do that last summer with Steve, but was never really sure if he would want to do something like that. So I never really brought it up. It would be nice to have a small bunch of friends up there though. I haven’t been there since I was a wee bit younger. I always thought it was fun. It’s a sad that Grandpa Frank passed away. I really would have liked to see him again. He was always very sweet to us. And I’ve been afraid that they would try to get rid of the house on the lake before I could make it up there one last time. Maybe someday I’ll get there.

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I feel like I’m actually getting into the CSS I’ve been trying to learn. I was working on something while I was at the radio station earlier and didn’t really get time to get anywhere with it… but I decided to keep working on it at home… and I learned a lot. It’s fun! A bit intimidating when I think of something I want to do with the page that I don’t know yet… but I kind of just try to use all my reference sources and I figure it out.

I’ve been feeling really sad lately, and I’m not really sure why. Sometimes I feel like I have parts of it I’ve figured out, but then it all kind of becomes jumbled together again. I’m constantly worried that I’ve done something wrong (even when I definitely haven’t). Or that I’m not good enough. That I’m just a disappointment to the ones Iove. That I’m useless. I feel anxious a lot of the time.

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